


On A Battlefield

by MikazukiMunechika305



Category: Hakuouki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 10:45:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5245385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikazukiMunechika305/pseuds/MikazukiMunechika305
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji has written a poem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On A Battlefield

**Author's Note:**

> At first, I'd like to say that I don't own the poem in the beginning (as well as I don't own Hakuouki and the characters of course) - I used the translation you can see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqAtbGUGD8A  
> There isn't anything more I want to say, so please enjoy reading! ^_^

_**it's the hour of dusk** _

_**through the cracks of the shouji** _

_**the fading light holds out its hand** _

_**like the edge of a blade** _

_**as if it were inviting me** _

_**let's disappear together** _

_**yes** _

_**that might be good as well** _

_**this, it is something other than sadness** _

_**it differs from regret as well** _

_**a feeling that cannot be put into words** _

_**since everything will turn into nothing** _

_**boundless darkness** _

_**this scenery that seems painted in ink** _

_**as quickly as possible, won't you please blot it with blackness?** _

_**in order to also bury this disdain yet worthy anguish of mine** _

_**that can't even be given a name** _

_**dimming the light, just hurry and go** _

_**these disgraceful feelings** _

_**please, don't shine on them** _

_**in the darkness that comes with closing my eyes, I** _

_**lie down just like these dead leaves** _

 

_**perishing light** _

_**you are still** _

_**sure to be reborn tomorrow** _

_**at that time** _

_**whether I'll be able to look at you or not** _

_**I don't know** _

_**I just pray, light** _

_**inside the splash of blood** _

_**please don't come shining on me who has become an empty shell** _

_**this body that's nearing its demise** _

_**actually, this changed, detestable self** _

_**is most suited to darkness** _

_**darkness in which not a single shred of light can be seen** _

_**in this so-called darkness of closing my eyes** _

_**inside an infinite sword, I will keep on falling** _

_**if perhaps, once more** _

_**it so happens that I am born in a different era** _

_**at that time, what will I be seeing?** _

_**the indistinctly warped, deep blackness from here** _

_**at that time, will it have also been reborn?** _

 

_**I will be born only after confronting myself** _

_**on the day of putting an end to this anguish** _

_**will I be shot by an arrow from the bow of a secret destiny?** _

_**the darkness that comes with closing my eyes, the boundless darkness** _

_**there, falling as flowers do** _

_**the same way as a baby deeply asleep in the womb** _

_**alone, I seek to lie down** _

 

It's about one week after the battle he has been shot in that Souji looks down at the paper laid out before him and rereads the lines he has just written. His wounds are still in their healing progress, so he hasn't been allowed to leave Osaka Castle for the last month—and he doesn't have anything else to do. He hasn't ever written a poem before, but he thinks as the Shinsengumi's 1st unit's commander, he should at least have done it once.

And the brown-haired young man is pretty proud of his work. He really likes his poem, and now he just needs someone to read it out to.

Maybe Kondou-san is awake? Souji is sure the commander would like to hear his first self-written poem, so he gets up and leaves his room. Always one arm on the wall, searching for support he doesn't really get, he walks over to Kondou's room.

"Kondou-san, are you awake?" he asks, knocking on the older man's door. "I'm coming in, Kondou-san!" He enters the room and sees Kondou laying on his futon, looking up to him with a gentle smile.

"Souji! How nice of you to visit me. How have you been?"  
"Well, pretty bored," Souji answers, telling only the truth. "I... since I had nothing else to do, I wrote a poem. I thought you might like to hear it, would you?"

"Oh, of course! It's very nice that you've thought of me." The black-haired man's eyes glow happily, proudly.

Souji smiles at Kondou and reads out his poem, pronouncing every syllable exactly the way he wants it to be pronounced, acting as if it was the last thing he's doing in his life.

Well, maybe it is. He can never know.

 

But it isn't. Luckily, he doesn't die right after reading out his poem.

He just coughs a little, covering his mouth with one hand to make sure Kondou doesn't get suspicious about the blood which is with a 99% chance there, before he gets up. "Did you like it, Kondou-san?"  
"Ah, it was wonderful, Souji. A very nice poem! And... Let me tell you this one thing, it resembles you really well."  
"You think so?" Souji asks happily. This hasn't been his actual goal, but it's nice to hear. "Thanks, Kondou-san! I'll be leaving then, I guess. Before someone finds out that I'm not in my room."

Kondou laughs quietly. "You're right, they'll be angry if they find out. Thank you very much!"

"Oh, it's no problem. See you, Kondou-san!" Souji waves at his mentor and leaves the room, bracing himself against the wall again. He hates his illness, but what can he do?

Right, nothing. He can't do anything, although he wants to live and to fulfil his dreams.

He reaches his room, enters it, falls down on his futon, breathing heavily. His lungs and throat hurt so much that a part of him just wants to die right now—but he can't die.

He has a dream to fulfil, after all.

He has to protect the Shinsengumi, Chizuru, his fellow commanders. His friends.

Now he can hear steps outside, then the door to his room opens again. "Mah, Souji, what are you laying there for? You look pale."  
"S-Sano-san? Why are you here? Weren't you supposed to be... in Kyoto?"  
"The Shinsengumi went to Edo," Sanosuke answers and sits down next to Souji. "Hijikata-san asked who wanted to visit you... and Heisuke and me decided to come here."

"Why did he..."  
"I don't know. Anyways, we thought we'd be able to help out here. You and Kondou-san need to get well soon, after all."

"There's no need to—" Souji is interrupted by a sudden pain in his throat, and he remains coughing for a time that feels like an eternity to him and Sanosuke.

The redhead sighs. "You wanted to say, 'there's no need to worry,' right? But there is. You feel it right now. The reason why we worry about you."

"I—" But Souji has to admit that his friend is right. "I'm sorry... for not being useful..."

"Never mind. Just promise me you won't ever drink Ochimizu. It's not what... can make you 'useful,' to express it in your way."

"But it'll give me strength."  
"It'll just make you feel worse!" Sanosuke protests. "It's not worth giving up your life like this. Don't think about it anymore."

"You're the one who brought up the topic... So I guess you should be the one to stop talking about it, huh?" Souji smiles. He's happy that Sanosuke has come to visit him—he has missed talking to him, even if it's maybe more correct to say that he has missed teasing him. Right now he's just glad that there's someone he doesn't see each of his days here with him—it's encouraging him, making him feel relieved. "Say, Sano-san, how are the others?"  
"Ah, Heisuke and Shinpachi are as noisy as ever..."

"You don't include yourself? I'm _sure_ you're noisy as well!"

Sanosuke laughs in amusement. "Maybe I am, too. And Hijikata-san's as stoic as ever... Well, not that he'd change just because you're not there."

"You're probably right... and what about Chizuru-chan?"  
"She's still worried. She does pretty well, but she's not good at forgetting an injured comrade, I guess. Nobody of us is. Just get well again soon, okay?" Sanosuke stares at the ceiling, blushing a little, and Souji chuckles.

"I'm trying. Just you wait, soon I'll be just like earlier! Oh," he changes the subject again. "You wanna read my poem?"  
"Your poem?"  
"I wrote it. I was so bored, so..."  
"Let me read." The redhead still sounds sarcastic, as if he doesn't believe it—but then he reads the poem, and he remains quiet. "Why aren't you an author?"  
"Heh," Souji laughs sarcastically, "authors die in bed. That's nothing for me. I want to die on a battlefield."

"Sou ka... Well, everyone else too. That's why we're the Shinsengumi, right?"

 


End file.
